i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
