The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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