dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
