its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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