Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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