When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
