i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
