I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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