Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
smell my finger.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
