I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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