Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
