i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
