It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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