i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
so much tequila, so little girl.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
