just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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