I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
