I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
