It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
