Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
