Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
