Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
