what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
