I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
