Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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