I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
