So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Randomize
