I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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