you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
