Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
