He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
