I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
What a dumb baby whore.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
