Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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