Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
