All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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