You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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