plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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