dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
