Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
