There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was like getting head from an anaconda
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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