someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
