ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
