Apparently you make a good broom.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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