last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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