I bet he comes in French.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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