Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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