butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
