his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
