i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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