I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
