the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
