My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
