Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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