Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
